But there’s nowhere to hide from these bones, from my mind

[chesspolitik]

Anatoly sat at a table in the Hub, staring off into space. He'd come here with the purpose of making more headway into his book, but his concentration was so scattered, he could hardly focus on the page in front of him, let alone summon the mental energy to translate the English into Russian.

The problem was that he had a situation that he did not want to acknowledge or face, and the more he fought against it, the more it refused to go away. This thing with Lex, whatever it was, could be nothing more than friendship. There was all there was to it, and if it his brain would cooperate, all would be well.

If only it were so simple. Anatoly sighed and closed his book. No reading was going to happen today, clearly.

Comments

[chesspolitik]

"I don't know," Anatoly was forced to admit. "But I don't know that he does either, and I do not want to ask, in case the question should offend him. And if I am completely honest, I do not know that a relationship would do either of us any good. I do not do so well in those as I do in chess. It might be better to simply stay friends. I will not hurt him, that way."

And Anatoly would not be hurt in return.

[nokeystomysoul.livejournal.com]

Melchior takes a moment to reply; if this had been any other situation, if he had had any other thoughts running through his mind at that moment in time, maybe he would have responded right away with an eager, assured response, a solid argument, maybe pulled out of his ass but defensible, reasonable.

As it is, he stares past Anatoly's shoulder for a moment before bringing his eyes, carefully, back to rest on Anatoly's.

"If there is one thing I have learned it is that feelings are not as easy to ignore or control as they should be. What you say is reasonable, but obviously it does not match your feelings, otherwise you would not be having any problems."

He takes a moment to consider his next words, wanting to choose them carefully, not wanting to steer Anatoly wrong. Somehow this is more important now than it had been from the start.

"If he does feel this way, perhaps you are hurting him. Perhaps he thinks you do not return his feelings. That is just as likely, is it not? And you cannot get better at anything until you practice."

Sighing quickly, he continues. "I am not saying you should run out and confess to him right now, but I am saying that you should not rule it out. Think on it some more. But know that leaving it bottled up will cause an explosion. I can promise you that."