Skill and guts - a model for the young beginner

[chesspolitik]

Before Anatoly had arrived at the Island, the mere thought of giving chess lessons had never crossed his mind. Before Bangkok, his only goal was to defeat Trumper soundly. During, that goal had changed to find a way out of the political and personal traps that had been set before him. And after... well. He hadn't been fit to think of anything other than what he had just done - giving up his reputation, his freedom, everything he'd loved for the woman he'd loved.

Then he had arrived here and everything changed. He'd found freedom, peace... even love and all of these things were in ways he'd never imagined. While he still loved chess and would happily play for hours until forcibly carried away, the lack of professional matches and the need to keep his wits sharp had encouraged him to consider other ways to express his joy in the game.

Teaching was one way and to his surprise, he found that he enjoyed this very much. There was a special joy in seeing understanding come to a student's eyes as he demonstrated a particular tactic. Best of all was watching their game improve session by session as their thought process moved from looking at individual pieces to seeing the patterns and reacting correspondingly. In prestige, it might not rank with having a title but the personal satisfaction was just as great.

This particular afternoon he was sitting in the rec room, purposely ignoring anyone by the name of Trumper. The chess board was in place, the pieces meticulously placed in their allotted square. He had his tea, all he needed was his student to arrive and then their lesson could begin.

Comments

[chesspolitik]

"It's strange you should say that," Anatoly said, propping his chin against the palm of his hand. "Or not so strange as much as interesting. When I came here, I... well, I thought the opposite. I had resigned myself to a life without love, because I believed it was the right thing for me. I had hurt too many people. I never expected to find what I have here."

He imagined Sookie might be one of the few people he could trust with the story of Florence and what he had gone through but he was hesitant still to share that part of his past. It was still too painful, even now.

[justsookie]

Smile fading slightly, Sookie watched Anatoly in silence for a few extended moments, before she leaned slightly back to sit straighter, giving the topic the respect it deserved. Her expression, while devoid of any bright happiness, was more contemplative than melancholy. There was no reason to be sad, after all— Anatoly had reunited with the person he loved, and Sookie herself had discovered that her life could involve that sort of connection as well.

"It's not exactly the way I always thought in the past," she confessed with a slight shrug. "I'd kind of given up on the idea of findin' love for... many years, probably over a decade back home. I mean, I'm sure that my situation isn't exactly the same as yours, but it's not like I was always so gung-ho about findin' a special someone. But I think that everyone needs love. I think it makes people better, to know what love is and to be able to love."

[chesspolitik]

"It wasn't safe," he admitted safely, focusing on his glass to make it easier for him to explain. "I never felt safe. They - the KGB watched me, my family so closely. They could - they did use someone I cared about very much for leverage. It was better not to feel anything at all, to be a perfect machine."

He wondered what it was in Sookie's life that had led her to come to such a similar conclusion but he didn't ask. It wasn't any of business, and he knew much too well that some things could be dangerous if shared. If she wanted to tell him, she would.

"I think you are right. It's a terrifying thing, especially for someone like me, but I am a different person than I was two years ago." He glanced over at the chessboard and smiled ruefully. "Well, perhaps not entirely different. But different enough."

[justsookie]

On some level, it was difficult for Sookie to relate— she had never, to her knowledge, been watched closely in a way where her close friends and family could be used as leverage. She hadn't been that important, just a waitress in Bon Temps who acted weirdly now and again, no one worth close surveillance. Even when it came to thinking of the Cold War and all that it had wrought, clear on the screen of her television, Sookie felt that she was distanced from it all. It was slightly after her time. She was nestled away in a sleepy town that couldn't be bothered, most of the time, aside from the occasional person sent out to war, the Terry Bellefleurs of a podunk like Bon Temps.

Nevertheless, she knew what it was like to try to harden one's heart, to distance oneself from friends and beloved. Sookie had never managed, but it wasn't for lack of trying. The fact that she could see into their minds, read thoughts like they were words on a sheet of paper, kept her from drawing too close. It simply didn't seem right.

"See, the thing about love is that... I don't think people can keep themselves away from it, even if they think it's the smart thing to do," Sookie mused, her hands toying with a couple of the chess pieces, admiring the skill of the carvings. "It's not somethin' you can rationalize yourself out of, especially when you don't really have anywhere to run on the island. You can't keep yourself away from other people forever."

[chesspolitik]

"No," Anatoly agreed, giving in to temptation and fidgeting with the white king for something to do with his hands. It seemed that the chess lesson might take awhile to start, but truly he was in no hurry. They had time, after all.

"It is very easy to close yourself off, tell yourself you will never love again. It might even work for awhile, but then something will happen. You'll meet someone and you'll find yourself throwing out your self-imposed rules. If you are very lucky, you might find your happy ending."

[justsookie]

Sookie's gaze grew slightly unfocused as she fingered the black knight piece, attracted to it only because it seemed to be the most recognizable out of all of the pieces. Was a happy ending something that she would ever be able to hold in her own hands? She wasn't willing to bet on it. Time after time, something seemed to get in the way of happiness for her in Bon Temps, and although she was loath to think that the island would be similarly chaotic, it was hard to be that optimistic when it had just recently thrown her among the dinosaurs without warning or preamble.

"There are days when I feel like I'd settle for just a peaceful endin'," Sookie remarked with a sigh. "Not that I don't enjoy bein' blissfully happy, but sometimes it hurts twice as much to have it torn away."

[chesspolitik]

"I understand," Anatoly said, squeezing her shoulder gently. He hoped she wouldn't think it was too forward or for any nefarious purpose, but it pained him to know that someone else, especially someone so sweet as her could feel that way.

"I admit it is all part of what I have always loved about chess. The flow of the game is all on you. It is orderly, you can plan strategies and you can control where it is going if you are good enough. Chess made sense when few other things did."

[justsookie]

Far from seeing Anatoly's gesture as too forward, Sookie felt it welcome, the closeness of another person and empathy which passed between the two of them through touch alone. Immediately, she smiled, letting her gaze dip down to brush over the chess pieces, pretty and orderly as they were.

"I had somethin' like that for a while," she nodded. "Spellin' bees. I mean, it's less about strategy and more simply either knowin' or not knowin'." Sookie neglected to mention the fact that when she couldn't remember how to spell a specific word, she simply ha to dip into another person's thoughts, like the judge as they looked down at the dictionary. "But I never stopped wantin' more, stuff that I can't plan out all the way, stuff that makes me feel alive. I might've found it again here, and... well, all that we can do is hope, right? That things work out."

[chesspolitik]

"You are right," Anatoly said after a moment of reflection. "I find it's easier here to hope and believe things will work out then I could anywhere else, as strange as it is to say."

He smiled warmly and leaned back in his chair. There had been some bad times here but they were all outweighed by the good moments. He'd arrived a shell of a person and after a few years of true friendship and security, he felt as if he was finally becoming someone worth knowing.

[justsookie]

"I don't think it's that weird to say," Sookie remarked after a pause. "Of course, I still don't really know if we're here for a reason, or what this place is, but sometimes I feel like all you can really do here is... live. There's so much less violence here than what I knew, back home. Everyone's human, no one's got more power than anyone else. There's no ruler tellin' us what to do or how to do it."

Arching a brow, Sookie took a long draw out of her glass, puckering at the tart flavor. "You'd think that the place would go all chaotic, that people would just steal from each other and stuff, but it's not like that at all. So, I think it makes sense. Havin' more hope here."

[chesspolitik]

"Do you know what makes me laugh when I think about it? If any place could be said to truly uphold the communistic ideal, this would be it. Yes, there's police and a government of sort here, but most everyone here seems ready and willing to lend their help if needed." Anatoly wasn't usually one to talk about politics or anything related, but this had been something he'd been mulling over for some time now.

[justsookie]

"Does it really count, though, if we get food kinda delivered to us and don't have enough resources to come up with all the luxuries people would normally fight over?" Sookie pondered, tapping her chin with a finger. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm dumb as bricks when it comes to politics. I still don't get the difference between socialism and communism, or why we need both the senate and the house of representatives in the American government. It all just goes straight over my head, but... I feel like yeah, if we don't have to fight over things and there's enough to keep everyone happy, and not so much that people get caught up in competin', people should be content."

[chesspolitik]

"Politics are not my strength either," Anatoly admitted. "And I am sure my "comrades" would find something to complain about if they were here, but truly I think this is as close as we can get to the perfect place."

"That is, of course, if you leave out the strange things the Island likes to do."

[justsookie]

Sookie peered down at her hands, running her fingers over her palms, feeling the dry, rough surface of her skin. She would need to find some sort of moisturizer soon, preferably one of the fairly numerous aloe plants around the jungle.

"I don't think I've got the guts to call anythin' close to perfection anymore," she said. "It always seems like when I come close to a life that's just happy and carefree, somethin' tugs it away. People can still disappear in the blink of an eye, and we can still... gosh, get dragged out to the dinosaurs. I really like Tabula Rasa, but I just don't want to jinx myself."

[chesspolitik]

Anatoly nodded in complete understanding. He understood very well where Sookie was coming from and certainly he'd suffered more than his fair share of trials and disappointments. "It's the one constant, isn't it? Or at least, that is what it feels like sometimes. I learned just to take things as they come - enjoy the good times, knowing they won't last and weathering the bad as best I can."

[justsookie]

"Oh, you have absolutely no idea how much I wish I could just do the same," Sookie replied earnestly, eyes wide as she blinked at Anatoly, pausing with her lips parted while she reminded herself of all the countless reasons why she couldn't let herself relax. "And sometimes I almost manage, but whenever I feel like something's about to be snatched from me, I just get terribly on edge. Life's been too crazy lately to look that far ahead, but it seems like I'm always bracin' myself anyway."

[chesspolitik]

Anatoly shook his head, smiling wryly. "I always thought the future was supposed to be better, that people would be happier, free from fear. I am not sure whether it's comforting or depressing to know that nothing really changes."

It didn't seem right though, that she should have suffer. Perhaps it was over-protective of him, but he thought Sookie ought to be able to be happy and enjoy herself here without having to worry about what might be.

[justsookie]

Sookie's brows pulled together for an instant, surprised as she was by how closely Anatoly's words aligned with how she felt back in Bon Temps. That she was sure that she and Bill would be happy, just as long as they held on for a little longer, until people around them were familiar of the notion of their little Sookie Stackhouse dating a vampire. Until they finished helping Eric with his problems.

"I guess... everyone has to face problems and fear at some point in their life, though," she finally managed. "That's how you learn to appreciate the peace and quiet. I look forward to just lazin' around on the island so much more now that I've had a lot of the bad things happen."

[chesspolitik]

"That is entirely how I feel," Anatoly agreed fervently, gesturing with his glass. "After everything, it has been more than wonderful to sit here or on the beach with my chess board and be allowed to focus only on that. I don't think I shall ever grow tired of enjoying this feeling."

It wasn't completely all sunshine and roses, of course. For all that he was glad to be able to play chess as long as he wished, he was still very much aware of what he had left behind. He missed his children terribly, and while he hadn't truly been in love with his wife for years, he wasn't so heartless as not to worry about her and how much she had suffered because of his actions.

Logically, he knew there was nothing he could do for them while he was here, but he couldn't help but feel guilty at times.

[justsookie]

"I don't know whether or not I will," Sookie replied with a slight shrug. "Right now, I feel like I could just go on like this forever, but there are times when I think so strongly of home and miss the people there. Bon Temps was real small, so everyone came to know one another there. Obviously, it had its down sides, but people knew they belonged, too. It wasn't just where I lived; it was also home."

She leaned back in her chair with a conflicted smile on her face. "Which means this place just feels like vacation right now. Which had better change, 'cause I can't stay on vacation that long."

[chesspolitik]

"You must miss them terribly," Anatoly murmured after a few moments. "I miss my children very much. I... I wasn't able to be around much for the flat to seem much like home, but when I was there, it was nice to have them all around me."

[justsookie]

"You... had kids," Sookie marveled in a hushed tone, suddenly feeling her gut twist at the very thought as she breathed, slowly and evenly. "I can't imagine having to leave your kids behind like that. I left behind a lot of people, sure, but never anyone who would depend on me as much as children would. I'm sorry that they aren't here."

[chesspolitik]

"Two," Anatoly nodded, staring down at the floor, turning his glass over and over in his hands. "Dmitri and Ilona. Because of the matches, I didn't get to see them often, but... I worry that I am not here for them."

He sighed, looking up at Sookie. "But I know there is nothing I can do about it. I can only hope they are safe or that they might arrive here and I could fix things."

[justsookie]

Sookie didn't have many words of comfort to offer Anatoly. Asking him to keep faith in the possibility of his children someday arriving on Tabula Rasa seemed to be asking for disappointment. Finally, she steeled her nerves and inhaled lightly, prepared to offer whatever she could, even if it wasn't too much.

"Well, the good thing is that everyone who arrives never notices that people've been gone from where they are, so your children aren't without you back home, so you're not losin' anything much. And if they do come," Sookie offered, "then you'll get a chance to spend more time with them."

[chesspolitik]

Given that he had been returning as an ex-defector, Anatoly wasn't sure how good things could possibly be, but he said nothing. The mood was already sober enough and he didn't want to add to the gloom. No matter how the situation was playing out, he would never know unless the Island sent him home.

He nodded in response to her words, smiling faintly. "This is true, though I admit it's hard to remember sometimes. There are so many children here, some of them the age of mine."